If the regular mundane things weren’t enough to remind me of you, my travels have also joined them. You may laugh at my naive behaviour but then I will laugh at your ignorance. We have our share of humour and we both fail to understand it. I gave you what you wanted, what was very hard for me but still I did that you know why because when you said “I am not at peace” it created a hurricane inside me. If only I could do anything on this earth to give you the love and solace that you deserve. I have trained my mind and locked my heart but what do I do with the memories that come from both mind and heart. Just to escape them if I decide to make a move then that late night train journey also reminds me of you.
This is not just about the times when things were fine and I dreamt of impossible things, it is also of the numerous train journeys and telephone conversations. They were not perfect but
we I found my share of perfectness in that. Those long telephone calls which would get disconnected so many times. We had the patience and the energy and on top of everything the willingness to not accept that call drop and call again. We literally used to declare a war against all the network subscribers and we always won. Not unlike today when just a single “Subscriber not reachable” makes you hang up your phone forever.
Can you hear me, you said, All I did was smile and nod. Just a hmm later, I am sure you smiled on the other end.
Things aren’t the same now. I am okay with them. Regrets and mistakes, they are memories made, in the wise words of “Adele”. I am okay with not calling you and you not even realizing that we haven’t had a word of exchange over any of the popular social medias. But that doesn’t stop me from thinking about you, from checking on you. The train might lead to a destination but the journey will always be incomplete without those numerous broken phone calls. You might have forgotten it but I haven’t. I have nothing to say to you at the same time it would take eternity if I start on my feelings for you.
Wish you could hear my pain behind every cheerful “Hello”, Wish you could sense my reluctance every time you said “Bye”, Wish you could sense my happiness every time you call, Wish you could see how happy you make me and How much I want to do the same.
But then I blatantly remind myself
“If wishes were horses, then beggars would ride”
When I write this I don’t have much to say or ask. I have a lot of wishes though which aren’t going to be fulfilled and that I know for sure. There is one thing that I am really certain of and that is no matter what happens, no matter where we go, you can always
“Count On Me”
Can I just make another wish, hope we both sing this song for each other sometime soon.