Its time to move, again

I have been travelling across cities because of my work. I have also traveled to another country Malaysia and that too because of work. Every time I have to move to another place I have to leave the current place. Moving isn’t easy for me. Every time I move from one place to another a part of me stays back there. I don’t know what is it but it makes me sad.

The first time I moved out, was from my parent home to Bangalore to join my work. It was the first time that I was going to live without my family. It was hard for me considering how close I am to my parents. I still remember at the airport how my father burst into tears and said take care of yourself. That day is still so fresh in my memories. It makes a lot of sense if I was sad at that moment as I was leaving my house for the first time.

Later after 11 months I got transferred to Gurgaon, a city close to my home town. The day I had to move out of Bangalore I had no reason to be sad as I was coming to a place which was way close to my home town and I could visit my parents more often. When I left Bangalore, I was so restless that I puked in the taxi on my way to the airport. What was it, was it my friends, the place, my flatmates I haven’t figured it out yet. I was just sad and couldn’t help but cry, the reasons are still unknown.

After around 9 months in Gurgaon, I was sent to another city called Hyderabad. I was excited to go there because it was going to be a rescue for me from the downfall at my work. Hyderabad was going to be resort that would help me with my work. I was looking forward to it, but the time I was packing my stuff I couldn’t stop myself from looking at my room again and again. I would do some packing then again I would sit idle and look at things around me. I wasn’t very good friends with any of my flatmates here but we coexisted and everyone dropped by to wish me luck for my future. On my way to airport I didn’t cry this time, but I could see flashes of my room, people crossing my eyes. Saying good bye to Gurgaon wasn’t very difficult for me but something was left behind, what was it I still don’t know.

After 8 months in Hyderabad I got the opportunity to travel outside the country. I was sent to Malaysia and It was a big milestone in my career. Everyone was so proud of me, my friends, my family everyone around was very excited for me. It was a great achievement for me because I bagged it all on my own. I remember my colleagues threw a farewell party for me and there they asked everyone to say one good and one not so good thing about me, the not so good thing was all about me being too emotional and that I need to take things practically. And yes that is true, I need to learn to be a lot more pragmatic in life. Few of my close friends came down to drop me at the gate of the office and as I hugged them for the last time I couldn’t help but cry. I cried all the way back home and I was sad dead inside, what was it ? why I was sad I should be have been on cloud nine but at that very instant I was deeply sad. Reasons still unknown.

Malaysia has been the live changing destination for me, it has a very special place in my life for many reasons. After the blissful stay of 9 months my project got over and I was suppose to come back to India. The day I was suppose to travel back, I was shivering since morning, my heart was pounding like a train engine. I was still packing my stuff, going to every corner of the house again and again, looking clueless at the swimming pool and the pool side cafeteria. But what is to be done has to be done. My taxi came and my flatmate helped me in loading the luggage in the taxi, she hugged me and said don’t forget to say the prayer before the flight starts. I said goodbye to her and hopped in the taxi, as it ,moved towards the gate I kept gazing at everything inside the condominium, every place, every stair, every wall reminded me of some or the other things. I said goodbye to the guards at the main gate and my taxi got on the main road. My heart was beating at a rate faster than a super fast train and even before I knew I was into tears. A huge part of me is still in Malaysia and something tells me that I am still not done with that place. It feels as if there are still some business undone there. I was extremely heart broken and sad. Probably the first time I knew why I am sad. Yes, I knew why I was sad and that made me feel even more helpless because I couldn’t do anything about it.

Yes they say change is the only constant and blah blah but how much you can really accept the change. I have had some very tough time in moving and even today when I think of those days, it makes me morose.

Do you also feel the same ?

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