I have this weird fear which takes over me whenever I try to do something off the routine. I don’t know much about it but it comes into play whenever I try to follow my whims and fancies.
I remember this was the same fear which overpowered my judgement and I came back from the railway station and didn’t board that train which would have taken me to the women’s basketball championship. The reason was that it might hamper my studies. How stupid of me, how could just three days away from books would have affected my studies in anyway.
The same fear which made me say no to a road trip just because one female opted out at the last moment. I mean how stupid of me. Does it really matter ? But I am sure it was the same fear.
Does it have a name, any specifics or anyway to cure it. I am not sure if I am the only victim or there are other people too.
This time was no different, the moment I headed out to do something which was off the books again the same fear on my head.. The same heartbeats and the same empty and growling stomach moves. I am sure it is the same fear. I recognise this feeling. But every time I have lowered myself in front on this fear it had brought nothing but regrets to me. I regret not getting on that train, I regret saying no to that trip and many more other times when I had chickened out. I regret all those opportunities, I do. So this time instead of this continuous fear which has always bogged me down I am gonna do what shall be done.
I have no shame in accepting that I was scared, scared like hell but the fact that if I miss this chance there would be nothing but regret waiting for me, and this time it is not acceptable to me.
I will share the post event feelings later. Till then don’t let anything take you down in any way. Live yourself and love your life.