Stages of Grief – What You Should Do !
I recently watched a movie called “Waiting” starring kalki koechlin and the iconic Naseeruddin Shah. I really liked the movie. The movie is slow but intriguing. I strongly recommend this movie to everyone. Take a break from the mainstream commercial cinema and for a change watch this one. While I liked every part of the movie right from the start till the end but there was one part which really struck me. I could relate to it and in no time I realized every bit of it is true. In this part Naseeruddin Shah talks about the stages that one goes through while dealing with griefs. It might be all theoretical preaching but if you map it on your problems you will realize that it all holds good.
We all deal with some or the other problems on daily basis. Some cry, some go numb, some scream and some go in depression. These all are the stages that we through while we are trying to get over a problem/loss. We all handle the problems in more and less the same way just the time spent on each stage varies from person to person. By now you must be wondering about these stages so without further they are as under:
The first stage that we go through during any crisis is denial. This is the stage in which we just don’t approve of the existence of the problem. “This cannot happen to me“, “This isn’t happening to me” are the kind of statements that one usually makes in this stage.
This is the second stage of your conduct while dealing with a problem. In this stage you are taken over by anger emotion and you tend to find someone to blame for your problems. It is in this stage where you also question the sanity of your problems. “Why is this happening to me“, “This is not fair at all“, “who should I blame for this” are the kind of statements that one usually makes in this stage.
This is the most interesting stage of mourning. During this stage one tries to bargain with the mighty God. To put it up bluntly one tries to bribe God for making their problems go away. Humans are so naive to think that even Gods work on these principles. “Dear God I will give up my favorite drink if..“, “Dear God I will create a new temple for you if..“, “Dear God I will feed poor if ..” are the kind of statements that one usually makes in this stage.
This is the most dangerous stage of mourning. The lesser time you spend in this stage the better. People don’t take depression seriously. If you know you are depressed try and seek help. Don’t aloof yourself from everyone. “I am not good enough that’s why this happened to me“, “I am ill-fated that’s why this is happening to me“, “Nothing good will ever happen to me” are the kind of statements that one usually makes in this stage.
This is the last stage of the cycle. The sooner you reach to this stage the better. During this stage the individual tries to make peace with whatever has happened and accept it graciously. By this stage you are bestowed with enough wisdom to realize that there is no point cribbing over the past. By this stage you become strong enough to accept the problem and look for its solutions and finally move on. “It is all going to be alright“, “Let bygones be bygones“, “There is a reason for everything and in the end everything will be alright” are the kind of statements that one usually makes in this stage.
All these makes a lot of sense when we are sane but once you are hit by any crisis all these preaching goes for a toss. If I knew it already then what is the intent of this post ? I am writing this so that the next time you are going through any crisis you would be able to analyze your stage and probably conduct yourself accordingly. Even though there are very slim chances of one being so wise to do all this while mourning but being acquainted with these stages will definitely help. So next time you are bogged down, sit back and try to figure out the stage you are at. It is absolutely fine to be sad and broken but it is equally important to move ahead.
You are the only person who can help yourself. Nobody has ever and nobody will ever love you as much as you do. Take care of yourself all by yourself.